The demo for Space Marine was released for Xbox360 today. I downloaded the 1.6-gigabyte teaser immediately. I powered it up and was suddenly in another world. Fans of the franchise don’t need me to explain; they know what was needed. Firewarrior, GW’s first foray into first-person shooters was a good game – if you were a fan of the genre. I just pretended I was Imperial Guard not Tau (because Tau are lame). First thing you did was drop the pansy Tau-beamer-gun-thing and pick up a bolter.

Well, Space Marine not only starts you out with a bolt-pistol and chainsword, you also sport a bolter rifle and the trendy “stalker pattern” bolter, as well a mine-laying-grenade-like-blower-upper thing. Finally, armed like a true space marine, you set about slaughtering orks. Lots of orks.

There were moments while playing I found myself talking out loud, saying things like “The Emperor Protects, bitch!” and “Blood for the blood-god!” and “I shall know no fear!” I found myself in awe of the sheer destructive potential of one ceramite-armored Ultramarine and his chainsword. I hurled grenades, unloaded hundreds of bolter rounds, I sniped, I ducked, and I rolled. I killed the ork filth until my armor was shining black with their foul blood.

And I loved it.

Then, I started to think about the game with less testosterone and a more critical eye. I found a bug in the demo; when dropping the cannon from the crane, by lobbing all my grenades into the waiting mob, the orks died and did not trigger certain scripting events. I crane access point never lit up. I had to exit and start over. Which was okay, because I wanted to kill more orks, but had I need 24-hours into a combat drop with my Battle Brothers, I’d have been a little pissed off.

Then I started to listen to the orks voices. They sound like little British men. Little British men who may sell you fish and chips and may or may not give you directions to Big Ben. Now, keep in mind that an ork in the Warhammer 40,000 Universe is nigh on seven feet tall, thickly muscles with tusks long as your hand. They have beady red eyes (like an old roommate I had) and talon-like fingers. They have incredible strength and heal from the most egregious of wounds. They believe red makes vehicles go faster (and it might) and I suspect are cannibals when the going gets… well, less fun. These are brutes! Like great green gorillas with shotguns and rocket launchers! They DO NOT sound like little British men; of this I am absolutely positive.

Worse, the space marines started talking. They sound like slightly larger, yet still small British men. A space marine is a genetically engineered super-soldier, in ancient power armor armed with weapons of esoteric technology and incalculable destructive potential. The space marine has two hearts; his armor pumps him full of morphine or some such crap when wounded. Their blood vessels constrict to minimize blood loss. They have polymer reinforced ribcages and an implanted third lung for Emperor’s sake! They, like the orks, most certainly do not sound like average sized British men.

I think you’ll all agree.

Now, the game is incredibly entertaining. But the voice acting, while well portrayed was not cast well or engineered well at all. Little British men do not don thousand-year-old suits of power armor and stomp across the galaxy vaporizing orks, chaos and anything else that gets in the way. Space Marines do that. Space Marines sound different.

Where was the… I don’t know… the Dude Who Listens To Sound for this game? The bolters sound great! The crack-boom-ding of exploding, bouncing bolter rounds was supremely well crafted. As was the adrenaline inducing sound of the chainsword. The ambient sounds were excellent. I don’t know if there was music, I couldn’t hear it over all the dying orks. But I have to ask, couldn’t they have modulated the Space Marines’ voices just a little? Given the orks a little scratch and growl?

The game was an automatic purchase for me. I buy all GW’s video games, hoping that they would finally make something like Space Marine. It’s going to a spectacular game, but the voices… the voices…

This story picks up with a Commissar-Colonel Gaunt wondering just how soft he’s gotten. One is reminded of the opening scenes of Apocalypse Now, where Martin Sheen stares out of his window wondering he’ll get orders to leave Saigon.

Gaunt’s Ghosts are no different than any other combat veteran, an entire regiment of soldiery so tuned up and keyed to self=preservation through violence, it’s no wonder that the Ghost’s run astray.

The novel opens with a gruesome scene wherein the infiltration of the Sabbat Crusade’s HQ world is cleverly explained. I won’t give too much more detail for fear of spoiling a fun read.

I did note, however, that it was page 67 before I felt the old interest, that Abnett page-turning, pulse-pounding sci-fi pulp action returning. Aside from the Blood Pact infiltration, I honestly can’t remember what happened in those first 67 pages.

As a long time Gaunt’s Ghosts fan, I think my patience for their antics is higher than would be for a new reader. I also found myself reflecting on the characters, it feels as if most of the original Ghosts are gone now. The replacement characters have yet to become fully endeared to me and I wonder, how will this regiment end up?

Gaunt’s capture and torture in the last book were cleanly glossed over, and any residual trauma he may have had has yet to make itself known…

Of course, I don’t need to point out that Chaos Gate never actually worked. There was a patch you could download so that your Dreadnaughts and Predators could move (an essential aspect for mechanized heavy weapons).  That patch, however, never worked. I once built a PC from the ground up with the express purpose of playing Chaos Gate – still no luck. Sure, I could play, but it just never worked quite right. I’ve still got a copy of the game – I keep it in my archives hoping some day, someone will hand me a disk with the patch that actually worked on it. Then, of course, gold will fall from the sky.

Since then, Games Workshop had put forth some serious effort in the video game realm, and each time, you seem to be met with absolute failure.  I won’t pretend to know what goes into making a video game. Somehow I suspect it’s a little more than a selection of weapons and armor and bosses to hack apart at the end.

But I’ve got to ask why…

Why, for your first person shooter (Firewarrior) did you choose the Tau? Why not an Imperial Guardsman or Space Marine? The Tau? Seriously? These pruned up little Taoist, yet classist aliens with little or no involvement in the Imperium of Man whatsoever? Well, being a good monkey, I bought it the day it was released, haranguing my roommate when we lived in downtown Chicago until she drove me to my favorite GameStop. The game was fun. I felt foolish putting thirty lasrifle rounds into a guardsman, but I was just happy to be laying in the Warhammer 40,000 setting.

Then, there was Dawn of War – well done. I still play this game on occasion. I have no criticism for this game. However, that leaves me a little shocked, and worried for this next game – Space Marine. Is a third-person action slug-fest where you want to go with the Imperium’s finest warriors? And armed with a Power-hammer no less?  Personally, I’ve never wanted to play a bulldozer in any video game I’ve owned. I know, it’s too late now. I just had to get this off my chest. Good luck. I’ll buy the damned thing. Just… try not to let me down too badly.